


This Is Where I Come to Cry

by Thixotrofic



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26679115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thixotrofic/pseuds/Thixotrofic
Summary: Waking up and finding Thancred missing, Minfilia ends up walking in on him during a private moment.
Relationships: Ryne | Minfilia & Thancred Waters
Kudos: 13





	This Is Where I Come to Cry

There was no particular reason for Minfilia to have woken up. Ever since she left her cell in Eulmore, camping with Thancred under the Everlasting Light, she had on a few occasions woken up at completely random times. It was fortunate that despite this, she managed to remain well rested.

Thancred, too, was also adapting to the unending day, having come to the First only recently, and tried to find caves or empty spaces in partially uprooted trees where they could rest in darkness. However, in the unvaried landscape of Lakeland, eyemasks were usually all they could rely on. 

She removed hers and looking around was surprised to see Thancred’s empty cot. He would only rarely leave her alone if he needed to do some reconnaissance that was beyond her ability, and never while they were sleeping. Usually she would wake up to him watching over her. He seemed to only sleep when they felt especially well-hidden and secure.

It was clear that he could not be far. His coat and gunblade were propped against a tree, and there were no indications that anything dramatic had happened. Minfilia was divided between endless simple explanations for why he would be away and the unsettling feeling of not knowing where he was for the first time since he had rescued her from Eulmore.

As she patiently waited, following the reasoning of the first possibility, her imagination ran wild with the implications of the second. That she may be left behind. It was a frightening scenario for her to think about. There was of course the risk of being recaptured as well as her uncertainty over whether she would be able to fend for herself in the wilderness, despite Thancred’s lessons. More than that, she would be alone, truly alone and missing someone. Thancred was strangely distant, but for the first time, there was someone who saw her--who tried to see her--as who she was herself. Not a torchbearer for some prophecy, but a girl with dreams of her own, even if she did not yet know exactly what they were. He had rescued her, he was teaching and raising her, and most importantly, he was kind to her.

Time passes by strangely both while bathing in the eternal light or swimming in the sea of thoughts. Minfilia had no indication of how long she had waited, but needed to go look for Thancred. She could no longer bear thoughts of losing someone who was, to her, the only other person in the world.

Every couple of days as Minfilia slept, Thancred fell into the same routine. He never meant for it to be a routine, but the physical and emotional impulses that forced him into it could not be escaped. Minfilia would fall asleep, and he would watch over her. Inevitably, this would turn into watching her, and wondering who this girl was. He avoided looking intently at her while she was awake, even when she sought his gaze in reassurance or encouragement. He feared that he would either betray his complicated feelings for her or betray her by invoking a painful memory of manipulative stares she must have had experienced in Eulmore.

Not that he felt any less inappropriate looking at her while she was sleeping. But this way she could not be harmed, and Thancred could think to try and clear up mental blockages he worried could grow into something that would hurt her, if they had not already.

The next part of the routine was that he would come across a thought, or notice something about this Minfilia that produced a vivid image of his Minfilia in his mind, and he would begin to cry. He would then go off on his own, not far, telling himself he didn’t want to wake her up with his sometimes vocal crying, and then after he had exhausted himself emotionally, he would quietly come back and sleep for a few bells in the quietest part of the day, waking up shortly before she did.

Today, his thoughts as he watched over her and then stumbled away from the campsite were of this Minfilia’s suffering, and the cruelty that she and her past incarnations had experienced. Thancred had learned to harden himself to the suffering of others simply to function, but that this girl’s suffering was so closely linked to, and somehow even caused by Minfilia’s ultimate sacrifice was crushing. He knew Minfilia would be distraught at the tragic lives of those that carried on her name, and since she was not able to, he mourned enough for the two of them.

He was sitting on a rock, hunched over with his arms propped against his knees. His hands were kept together by interlaced fingers, regularly separated to wipe away tears. There was very little conscious processing of the physical world around him. If somebody had asked in that moment, he would not be able to say that he was on a rock, or in Lakeland, or even on the First. However, he still had his reflexes, and an unexpected rustling caused him to look up suddenly past the large trunk of a tree behind him.

There was no threat, but he was still headed for a world of hurt. Seeing the blurry form of someone else brought Thancred back to the other times he had been discovered.

He was not a complete stranger to crying in front of others, despite his trying not to. During his recovery from possession by Lahabrea, his physical and emotional fatigue made it impossible for him to hide his tears of frustration. He had broken down several times in the presence of Minfilia in embarrassment, and once near the end of a round of crying when he happened to be checked up on by Papalymo, for whom he later mourned with the other Scions but cried for privately. Both of them had shared powerful words of comfort in his weakness, and Thancred recalled them painfully after their respective sacrifices.

When he grieved Minfilia’s fate in particular, her departing words and intentions as the Oracle of Light, he wished he could be discovered. He wished Minfilia were still around to appear to him so that he may feign shyness before accepting her embrace and reassurance. 

Such were the Thancred’s recollections as he beheld the Minfilia behind him. He used a forearm to cover his eyes in a futile attempt to hide as he began whimpering and gasping for air pathetically. Seeing her there reminded him that the suffering he was crying over was not a tragic fairy tale, but was still being lived by the person right there with him. She was carrying so much pain, and he hated that he felt helpless to help alleviate it. And now, by being seen like this, he was only further burdening her with his own emotional injuries.

He had let his guard down. Minfilia had taken a seat right behind him facing to the side. Thancred felt her arms reach out from under his and around his chest as she placed the side of her head against his back. She held on tightly, even as his upper body buckled with staggered breaths from a new bout of weeping. Her arms were not yet long enough to reach all the way around, her fingertips separated by a small gap right across the middle of Thancred’s chest. He raised one hand to cover both of hers and complete the connection. Was this the first hug Minfilia had ever been a part of? He wasn’t sure if his tears could ever stop.


End file.
